My mother cue the Psycho theme song

I tend to write a lot when I am in the dark pissy moods like I was last night. Did I write, nope. There is no deadline on either of these books so I am just dropping some stuff in here and there. I have structured in a newer character who will be the catalyst for one of the agents going rouge and reaping havoc on The Program members. I don't think I am going to kill off the lady, but she will be going so deep under cover that even the most highly skilled remote viewers have no way of finding her.

I just got off the phone with my mother. I really need like a heads up before she calls, I haven't uploaded personalized ring tones again due to the blackberry switch over in June-ish.. Her whole, "I was super protective mom" crap really is in stark contrast with what we here in the real world call reality. I can peg most if not all my issues on the fact of her turning the other way while I was growing up. She wants to relive things the way she thinks they should have been. Scars both on the body and psychological don't heal till you can accept them. I just want to scream at her that she sold me out for free childcare. What good would it do, she would just hang up on me or throw her little pity party. She again blamed me tonight for the divorce of her and my step father. He left after I went off to college. He never once made any suggestive moves toward me. Don't you think by then I would have known if there was the least bit of attraction? Her instability is likely what did it, I am sure he was no angel but how harsh blaming me for him cheating on her with some lady from his work! She doesn't understand that with automatic recall I can pull conversations from years ago up and recite them almost word for word (Corey hates that BTW!), memories of the traumas for lucky ol' me were never repressed. She is trying to rewrite history, the tomes are already bound, it's just too hard for her to read them. Try fucking actually living them every time someone grabs you or startles you, keeping everybody at a distance so they cant hurt you, because you know deep down no one will be able to protect you except yourself. She's not even nutty/cute but like getting more creepy weird again! You want to know why I act so morally most the time? I look back and I see the extremes of how not to act. I called Corey and he was busy with his warn-gen crap with Steve. I felt like I was interrupting so I told him to get busy. I think he may actually realize that he let me down again tonight, but so is life. At least he asked if I was going to be alright. What am I supposed to do start weeping into the phone and tell him all the horrid things she said to me. What can he do about it anyways? He won't fight my battles, that's not him. He trust I am strong enough to endure, but damn it really chips away at my hardcore exterior. My blood, my issues I stand alone again.

My headache was made worse this evening after the call. I was really hoping the 3 miles would give me some endorphins to stave it. Then she called and well there went the neighborhood.

Yes, I trimmed I'll Be Home

If you didn't get to read it when I had the full tease sorry. I have since chopped and moved it around. A bit got added over the last couple days.

I am impatiently waiting for my research paper's rough draft to be graded to I can get it polished and gone. I hate waiting, but have no choice in the matter. Damn!

Logan's face is doing better after that little shit scratched him Wednesday. It may not scar in either spot. I am still so lit about it. A good thing that came out of the day is after helping (tossing) Logan off the diving board he is all jazzed about doing it again. Let's see if it lasts to lessons with Beth Monday night. Happy about that!

Corey has heard nothing from either ABR or TOP, but who knows, it must not have been meant to be...again. It's not over till they pick, but it just is not feelin' good. I don't want to be stuck out here in Nebraska forever, just don't. Grrr...


I am taking the night off of just about everything. I just need time away from everything. Being tethered here right now I just feel trapped. I get no breaks, no days off, and time to myself is conditional. Logan's been tough this week, Corey's moody, Sully's barking again in the middle of the night, and I can't get away. I think I will take Tina's approach on life, Fuck it all! When Logan goes to bed tonight, I will shower, crawl into bed and read till I fall asleep or Corey comes home.

I am just Little Mary Sunshine right now forgive me. But any of you would be lying if you didn't say you were sick of shit at least once!

Lets "face" it

You can now find me on facebook. Krimsin King, add me 'cause you know you love me!

A bit from I'll Be Home

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Saturday 6am

“I’ll be home for Christmas; you can count on it...” I didn’t really hear much more of it as I was cursing as I tossed the pillow at the alarm clock. Yelling to no one in particular as the house was as empty as the bottle I had left on the bedside, “The one day I can sleep in and the bloody alarm goes off!” The song was still playing as I groped for how to turn of the music. “I’ll be home for Christmas, if only in my dreams…” By the time I had heard the last line I was filled with such fury and tears I couldn’t think straight. Thinking to myself I should really just stop threatening and take the final step and get rid of Noah’s stuff. He never again would be home for Christmas, no matter how badly I wanted him to be there to shut off his alarm clock. His side of the bed, his clock that only goes off when it was an anniversary of the day we got married. The alarm clock always plays only his favorite Christmas song, different singers sure over the last five years, but always the same song. The irony was they had married in the summer and it was already 90 degrees this morning and I was chilled to the core. “This is not fair time after time you mess with things Why can’t you just come to me, damn you! Why can’t I see you? Damn near anyone but you!” I looked at the clock, no time, just music, “Aww shit, stop making the clock play when there are no batteries in it too, it’s just creepy wrong on so many levels!” I was sobbing and felt as empty as the house was without him. Peering at the alarm clock that d its cord wrapped around it and had no batteries in it; seemingly my only tie left on this earth to Noah.
Five years since the day he was snatched from me right before my eyes. Shortly after I regained consciousness from the coma and realized I could communicate with the dead. For the next half year after coming back to the realm of the living, I thought I was going insane. One doctor even had me committed for a couple weeks till they realized that I was not a threat to myself or others. I can laugh about it now, but it’s one of those creepy laughs that make many people doubt I should have ever been let out of those locked doors. Thankfully a very smart and well connected therapist in the clinic connected me with The Program. I have since realized that I am not crazy, it is a side effect of my dying on the concrete next to my husband with me child in my womb. I still wonder why I was left to live, while my husband and daughter died. I reach down to and touched the place my daughter had once been. I feel to a point my own body betrayed me that day, if I could have just taken a couple more breaths, just held on long enough for the EMT’s to arrive they could have saved my daughter. I am told this is survivor’s guilt, and is perfectly natural. I want them to carry a baby almost to term only to have her and your husband taken away in the blink of an eye. Or in my case a dirty bomb that didn’t fully detonate. The shrapnel hit our tour party head on, knocking the group of us off kilter; Noah fell backward almost as if he was trying to cover me and my belly. He crashed into me, I remember the blood, screams, indescribable pain, and falling over an old man who was already dead.
I remember looking down on the scene seeing myself; somehow I ended up belly down, and could see the fluids that were to be protecting my baby quickly leaking out of myself. I heard a voice; I looked over still not grasping what I was seeing below it was carnage. Noah had been right next to the bomber as he exploded his bomb belt he was clearly dead most his body covering mine. The police were on the scene within minutes and tied off the area. They knew there was a threat of an attack on the city. They heard chatter for months about a potential attack and think they knew who and the how till right then they didn’t know the where and when. They had the device that detected radioactive matter, and were not letting anyone go in to the area or out till they knew how bad the contamination was. In that time, I died, my baby died and 6 others including my husband died. There were really seven, but who can count someone willing to kill innocent people a human. I was the only one who was revived, and that was after they weaned me out of my six month long coma. By that time my husband and child were long gone and buried and most of the events of that day left at the wayside as another political corruption scandal occurring in administration of hope and change.
Reading the papers after re awaking PC (post coma) I saw that no war would be raged in the memories of those who died that day on the sidewalk with me that day. They feds did however catch on fast enough to avert 2 other such events in the city scheduled during the memorials for those who died. A double hit, first round kill as many mourners as possible, hole off till the help arrives and take out more in the second wave. Stupid bomber left notes about it in his apartment. Somewhere in a cave there is someone really pissed off I am sure.

I may regret the promise in this entry BUT....

Creativity willing I will be working on my books (Wayward Souls and I'll Be Home) this evening. I honestly have nothing else to do after working out. Well, other then a bit of cleaning, big deal. I am just totally taking a step back from the research paper. There is nothing else I can do till the instructor combs through it and renders his suggestions. Am I nervous, shit YEA! Structure is not my thing, peroid. But having to be judged on how I can conform to his writing ideals is stressful. It is one thing when it is friends proofing a few chapters, another when its a class where creativity has really no place. I was told "These papers are not to be savored." Dude makes it sound like I write romance books or something. We will see if I do write tonight, but if I have ideas free flowing I will get it going. I don't even remember if I told you how care that I ended up starting a whole other book. Looks like it will be more of a prequel to Wayward Souls going more into why Wolfe is such an over protective hard-ass with Olivia. The lead in I'll Be Home is Names Cricket Harlow. Her handler at the program is named Whitley.

Since I am taking Human Biological Structure and Function this summer, free time for writing will once again be a bit cramped. It is all independent, not instructor interaction (I think) less the one who oversees my tests at the library.

Rough draft is so history!

After a mad dash last night and today I got my rough draft into the instructor over a week early. This means by this time next week I can begin harassing him for the editing! HUGE burden lifted, as tomorrow I meet with the person who was not even supposed to be my go-to anymore to sign up for classes this fall. 12-15 and asked if I want to do some over the summer. Hmmmm....I just want to get the books and magazines back to Dee and have the space back. I am grateful she even wanted to help me out.

Another place giving away a Kindle 2

They are an interesting place, it's called bookgasm! Come on that name is flippin' brilliant! Check it OUT!

There is a great contest for a Kindle 2 ck it out

Thanks you again to Lisa for scrounging the net for Kindle contests. This one was kind of cool, because she asks WHY will you benefit form a Kindle. Well with the amount I read a week just the money saved is worth it. Then there is the space, saving the environment with out using all that paper. Here is the site if you are interested in entering. Good luck!

The Forgotten Refugees of the Cuban Revolution: Facts on the Havanese Dog

Havanese are one of the most wonderful small dogs, they are smart, soft, cute, and great with children. Much of the problems we see today are not with the dog breed itself, but lack of knowledge on the part of those looking to own them. Many people do not properly research the dog they are going to buy. They use their emotions to choose. The costs of ownership will be addressed from purchase to daily up keep; these dogs have a hefty price tag. There are dangers of not researching where the dog comes from, puppy mills are becoming more interested in the breed as they are compact and hypoallergenic they expensive to purchase. One has to know where to look and what questions to ask of a breeder to insure a health tested well adjusted pet. These dogs though small and lovable are not an accessory as many others in the toy breed can be labeled. They can have color changing coats, emotional issues, and even may have some health issues other small breeds do not, and so will an owner have the time and patience for them if a problem arises? One need to realize the gender roles are somewhat switched in this breed from what one would expect. People need proper education on these dogs before they buy them. Is the Havanese of today even the same little dogs as the eleven rescued by their owners as they fled during the Cuban Revolution? The Havanese is a somewhat controversial dog; from the mystery of its past, right up to what a true Havanese is today there are debates raging.

Research Proposal -YEA BABY!!!

After countless emails and phone calls he graded my works today, even telling me not to worry about some other papers. Problem is, I did them already. Poured heart soul and time into them. Frustrating! Oh well, this is the paper I needed and as you can see by the date has been pending for a bit. It was a pass/fail, his comment is on the bottom. I start the paper in the morning.



Krimsin K. King
Spring 2009
27 Feb. 2009

Why are the seemingly perfect little Havanese dogs, much more difficult to own than your average dog?

Throughout this paper my audience will become more informed as to why the Havanese dog breed is far more complex in owning than those of other dog breeds. The targeted audience will educated on the history of the breed, if the Havanese dog is right for them, the proper way to go about purchasing the dogs, the cost of initial ownership as well as the continuing costs, health issues you need to look out for with this breed, and why they are known as “rainbow dogs.” Many people see these cute little dogs, and fall in love with them and this paper will teach them Havanese are harder to own then they appear.

The paper will need first need to go into the history and the controversy of their past. How they arrived in America and how the breed was brought back from the brink of extinction.

The Havanese dog breed has breeders and experts around the world. How does one sift through all the information of the dogs, separating the myths, and the facts? How do you discern a proper breeder from a puppy mill?

As this breed is created a small cluster of dogs, as such there was a thought at the beginning they were a very healthy breed, as the breed has become members of the American Kennel Club the popularity has soared. While the popularity has gone up, so have the health issues.

These dogs are high price dogs, when buying a good breeder you are paying for health testing, and proper socializing of a dog. But is the initial cost of the dog over inflated or fair? The audience also needs to factor in the reoccurring costs of higher end food, grooming, continued health testing throughout the dog’s life, and vet bills.

The Havanese breed is also known as “rainbow dogs.” The reason that they are called that will be talked about as well as basic genetics as to why many of the dogs purchased in one color are likely to change colors.

The sources for this paper include several Havanese books and Havanese based periodicals from the Havanese Club of America, and breeders and fans of the dogs that have created their own periodical. Websites that focus on the dogs will also shed light on the importance of buying from a good breeder, giving you the proper questions to ask before you buy. Academic articles on health testing will be included to explain some of the health concerns that have come up within the breed in the last fifty years of the breed.



****This looks good. You seem to be pulling the ideas together into a more coherent whole. This is obviously a Pass.****