Ticks Me Off Tuesday

Another TMOT, this week, it's the Letters Edition.  Hang on tight, its gonna be a rude and snarky bumpy ride!
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Dear Hollyweird Tragedy Band-wagoners,

Thank you so very much for pointing out that Haiti is now a "hellhole" or "cesspool of disaster" post this natural Disaster.  I know some of you douches compassionate people are blaming global warming and George W. Bush, neither is correct. But if we want to pass blame, can I blame it on your lack of compassion for the country before the quake?  No?  Then STFU I guess we are even-stevens.

Let's put this in small words so you can wrap your air head around it. --Natural--Disaster-- Get it now?  Ok, moving on.  Now you can feel free to head back to raking in millions making shatty movies and only sweeping in from on mountain high when it will make you look good with your fake tears tragedy becomes our fellow man.

Offended yet?  Good.  Where the hell were you all for Haiti before the quake?  Or better yet for your own country?  What good do you do less a telethon? 

~Not a fan of fakery
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 Dear Owner of BBQ Joint,

We frequent your establishment not for you but your food.  We are but simple people.  Feed decent food and we shall return, often.  With that being said I think we need to lay down some ground rules all of which involve me.  I believe, no I live by the "personal space rule"  I think it would be in your best interest to study said diagram well.

There is no reason to go out of your way to touch me.  Unless my eye balls are on fire, then just throw a girl some water.  Seriously, don't touch me.  Very few are allowed as their vibes do not disrupt the Krimmyk's.  Also, when seeing me outside your establishment under no circumstances do you come up to me and ask me to prrr for you.  I will drop your arse if you ever say that to me again. 

How about this stick to messing up our orders then apologizing profusely even tho we get it like 3 times a week for the last couple years...

In closing lets just make it simple for us both:

~In need of pervey skeeze repellent
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Dear Lady in Front of Me,

Other than I hate your elitist attitude and your spiky hair really you look like Adam Lambert

You see I have my camera equipment all set up to film my son getting his new belt this evening.  You look and plop your arse right in front of me.  WTH lady?!?!  Come the frick on, how rude!

~Wishing I had stuff for spitballs

                                                 P.S. Your neck is in baaad need of a shave, Sasquatch!

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Dear Cougars,

You know who you are, I thought I could over look some of the crap you were saying but as soon as my son started reading it and questioning it, it had gone too far.  It was inappropriate, and I dropped/blocked you and the others in the "cougar contingent" from all social media places.  Hooker boot is one thing, but it just went down hill and straight to hell form there.

I will always first and foremost protect the offspring before all else, if that hurts your feeling too damn bad.  There is a fine line between playful banter and what you all are likely still doing.  Sorry it had to go down that way but WTF ever.   For the record, I wasn't prompted by anyone to do it, quite the opposite in fact.  I told others after the fact.  You fools targeted the wrong person.  The drama happened right after I dropped you all, proving you all are just a bunch of freaky groupies. 

Sad, some of you had such potential politically.

~Happy to have taken out the trash
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Dear Murphy's Law,

Now you and I are constantly at odds, but really the crap you pulled last Wednesday is a new low.  Even for you!

Let's set the scene for those reading the weatherman 40 minutes before I am due at my annual eye exam decided the large couch would fit better in the middle level than the love seat.  I declined to point out last month this was my idea and was poo pooed. So that meant moving the heavy couch up the stairs. I was the pusher up the stairs, as my legs are the strongest.  Can we saw stupid?  I was on tippy-toes pushing the damn thing up over the stairs.  I don't recommend it being 5foot three-ish.  Some how something got into my eye.  Did I feel it.  Of course not.  Did it get pointed out that it looked like I had pink eye form hell?  Yep.  Observe:

Dr. said no cool new O2 Air Optics (Night and Day) till next Wednesday (tomorrow).  I was soo looking forward to giving these bad boys a shot.  Murphy, you knew it and to show your prick-ishness of all the days dude.  Just wait someday your day will come... 

As usual all listed above are posthumously going to receive the highest award one can muster on Tuesdays, lucky bastards the who lot of'em!

So tell me about what ticks you off.  It need not be in letter form.