Ticks Me Off Tuesday

My family is plotting my demise.  I am one of the most uncoordinated people you will ever come across.  Some think Bella's character from Twilight was molded after me, in that case you can send me Rob...ummm never mind.  I can honestly injure myself quite nicely.
Take for instance last October in Omaha on our way to visit my family in LaCrosse, I was left with the seemingly simple task of taking the dog to take a leak before he went into my Ils.  I get the crate out, put leash on and we are off down the sloped paved driveway.  Three steps from being able to reach the car for support, my knee buckles causing me to roll my ankle, there was a distinct cracking as I crumbled to the pavement and landed on my other kneecap. 
The Weatherman and his dad just stared at my graceful self for a moment.  Most likely trying not to laugh their asses off.  Till I tried to get up on my own.  I could feel my ankle swelling, I would have to say looking back it was rather impressive.  I limped my way back inside leaving the dog, the guys and my dignity outside. 
I monkey swung myself up the staircase with my arms and plopped myself on the carpet.  I had tears in my eyes and I think I may have hissed when someone tried to move me.  While tending to my ankle little dude pointed out my pants were toast and I was bleeding through from my knee cap.  I assessed the situation, nothing broken.  Since I have my MD in bull-shit I decided we would still make the trip to LaCrosse the following morning.  We stayed only till about 2am Sunday and headed back due to my pain.  I reluctantly went into the docs Tuesday morning.  Not before I broke my right top pointer finger knuckle in my sleep the night before.  Yep, while I was sleeping!  I may have what you would call a slight issue with night terrors if too sleep deprived, though no one woke when I did this to myself, including myself I am so bad ass!.  The doc the next morning agreed with y medical opinion that I am a walking disaster with no broken ankle or knee, and said there was nothing she could do for the finger.  I hate her.  So anyways this brings me to my TMOT.

Last night the weatherman left the cord for the vacuum across the top of the stairs.  Like a month to the flame, I tripped over it and went down the stairs, partly.  I am fine, but cursing a red streak about the fact it was left out. 
I made some snarky/ brilliant comment about the situation and he comes back with, "next time I will put it straight across and use a brown cord."  MY warped sense of humor finds this entertaining as I can totally see myself tripping over it.  Did I mention I was downing a glass of water while he was talking?  I about choked on it laughing.  So trying to kill me on the stairs AND drown me in a matter of minutes.  Yea, I got my eyes on you weatherman...

And to your demon spawn offspring who gets a kick out of getting only me up at the unholy hour of 5 am daily:  Go bug your father, you two can continue to plot my demise with that treasonous dog of yours!  I'll get you back when you are a teenager, and allergic getting up before noon!

So the winners of the Tick Me Off Tuesday Award for this week goes to my fam-damily for plotting my demise!  I love you all too...

• Totally Tick Me Off Tuesday is the brain child of Mommy from the Midwest.  Check out her blog, and look for more people who participate in TTMOT!  This is her "award" to those who Tick us off weekly.  I posthumously award it this week to all of those who have ticked us off!